Franks Column

Every week local citizen of Clitheroe and RVM presenter, Frank Watson will write a column on behalf of our diverse and sometimes intriguing community

I Haven’t Got A TV. Part 2.

So, you now know that I haven’t got a telly. You may think I’m sub normal but you have accepted it as part of my quirky persona. Well done, congratulations, you are an astute observer of life…, but hang on, wait a minute, stop, desist…! You think I’m odd??

Picture the following.

I am perambulating around town when I happen to meet a person who doesn’t mind; well that’s taking things too far; they do mind being seen talking to a heretic, but they view me as a “cause celeb.” They believe they can convert me to ITV 2 or Channel 5 or something like that.

Anyway they open the conversation. “Have they let you out whilst they whitewash your cell?” Peals of laughter follow. (From them, not me.)

They then get down to the invidious stuff!

“Did you see so and so on the History Channel last night?”

I watch their eyes close down to slits.

“Oh no, you don’t have a telly, do you!”

I know what’s coming next and stifle a yawn.

This so called intelligent person now spends the next two millennia telling me about the programme that I missed!

Can you picture yourself as this person, dear reader!!

Watch this space for instalment 3 of Living Without A Telly.

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“I haven’t got a TV!”

Those few words have been known to reduce grown men to tears, children to scream in terror, dogs to howl at the moon and old ladies to fall into a faint.

You would think I’d said, “Hello, I’m a well known vampire, how’s your neck!!”

The first utterance from these debilitated people when regaining some modicum of composure is “How can you live without a telly!”

The next thing they do is try and keep me talking whilst they whizz through the numbers stored on their mobile phones hoping to find one which will cause men in white jackets to come and commit me to a place where sunlight never reaches.

Well, I know it may contravene the Laws of Relativity as laid down by Einstein and I know Einstein put a lot of man hours into his life’s work but…, living without a telly is, well, simple…!! Which is exactly how the population at large seems to view me. “Poor demented bloke!!” They don’t say the words but after all these years I have developed this uncanny knack of knowing what they are thinking.

Some people even take a step backward to increase the space between us thinking it may reduce their chance of falling victim to the affliction that has apparently befallen me!

Watch this space for the next instalment of Living Without A Telly.